In the first weeks of unemployment, I missed solving problems. I really expected someone to come up with an idea or obstacle that needed a solution. Problem-solving, figuring things out, and discussing ideas had become such an integral part of my daily routine that I only realized their importance when they were no longer there.
Over time, this lack of mental stimulation became more problematic. Feelings of uselessness and a lack of purpose began to surface. But I knew I couldn’t give in. After all, solving problems for your boss or a business you’re only temporarily part of seems like an artificial goal—something imposed on us as an unfortunate necessity to fill our homes with stuff. Surely, this can’t be life’s true purpose, can it?
So, I began to imagine new ways to fill my time. I had to reprioritize my life’s activities and come up with new ones that aligned with my freshly modified set of principles. This helped fill the void.
“My favorite thing in the world to do… like my absolute favorite thing in the world to do is nothing.” — Matt LeBlanc
I couldn’t help but laugh the first time I heard this. It resonates with a sense of childlike innocence and a carefree attitude. But surely, this wasn’t my experience, and it won’t be yours either. I’ll spare you the obvious about how we’re programmed to set goals, achieve them, and then aim higher. Even if you override this socially imposed behavior, you’re left with your hypothalamus-imposed “I need to go hunt” craving.
That’s why physical activity helps. Being active—whether through running, going to the gym, or participating in any sport—is essential for maintaining high mental performance. Then, you can focus on your hobbies. Additionally, a personal checklist of tasks can fulfill the leftover need for moving tickets across columns in JIRA.
Understanding this will likely make 80% of gap years enjoyable. The other 20%? Well, they’re for the Matt LeBlancs of the world…
After months of “living the dream” and fulfilling yourself personally, the “lack of purpose” conversation starts again in your head. There’s just no getting away from it, is there? At this point, there are two paths you can take: one is to give in to the carefully selected (over many generations) hierarchy of needs and fulfill them, or, once again, you can attempt an override.
Because we’re ambitious and smart people, we’ll, of course, choose the more difficult route and attempt the latter.
“Desire is the root of suffering.” — from Buddhism
“Real wisdom is recognizing and accepting that every experience is impermanent. With this insight, you will not be overwhelmed by ups and downs.” — S. N. Goenka
“Do not wish for things to happen differently; rather, wish that they happen the way they do and that you act accordingly.” — A variation of Epictetus
“Observe the reality as it is. As it is, not as you wish it to be. Perhaps your breath is deep. Perhaps your breath is shallow. Perhaps you breathed in through the left nostril. Perhaps you breathed in through the right nostril. It makes no difference.” — S. N. Goenka
I was fortunate to join a 10-day meditation retreat in the old Burmese tradition of S. N. Goenka. All we did there was eat, sleep, and meditate. No internet, no talking, no books—nothing. And yet, despite the lack of activities, I felt good. I was satisfied. I didn’t crave to get out, to solve problems, to discuss, or to connect. The goal was clear: to meditate for 10 days, and passing that challenge felt like achieving something truly meaningful in life.
This experience taught me two things:
So, the ultimate goal is to realize that you don’t need anything. You can override the primal parts of your brain and choose to live your life as you see fit. But that’s only possible if you’re strong enough to exercise and meditate—both of which develop your prefrontal cortex, the part of your brain responsible for gatekeeping your primal emotions and cravings.
Maybe Matt LeBlanc words have wisdom in them after all…
Good luck! (With this short post, we smoothly transitioned from a gap year into the “purpose of life” conversation. Congrats on making it all the way through!)